November 16, 2018
As I’m writing this, Venus is in her final hours of her retrograde that started in Scorpio, the sign of death and rebirth, and is concluding in Libra, the sign of balance and harmony which happens to be one of her home signs. My sense of time feels skewed as what has unfolded in my life in this approximately 40 day retrograde has felt like years during Venus’ journey descending from the evening sky, kissing the sun, and ascending into the morning sky. My already vivid and potent dream landscape I visit each night has intensified dramatically over the last few days leaving me in an upside-down state where my dreams feel more like waking life and my waking life feels more like a dream. I find myself dancing between worlds as the veil thins at this time of year needing to remind myself to stay grounded within my body when out and about in the world (being grounded is kind of part of the gig with teaching yoga which is how I spend much of my week). I am offering my story from this Venus retrograde to you as storytelling is a powerful way to relate to life and our common humanity. This ending and beginning of her cycle has paralleled an internal death and rebirth process within my life. As this alchemical process of Scorpio regeneration has turned my life upside down at times, it has certainly been a beautiful and necessary unraveling that I sense will ultimately weave together something more magical within my life.
So much has happened celestially during this Venus Rx. Venus became entrenched in a fixed grand cross with Uranus and the nodes which shifted into a cardinal grand cross. The nodal axis moved into Capricorn and Cancer, Uranus regressed back into Aries, and Jupiter and Mercury ingressed into Sagittarius just to name a few. When I reflect on all of this, no wonder 40 days feels like years!
To give you context into my chart, this Venus Rx that started in Scorpio falls in my fourth house, the house of foundation, home, roots, ancestors, and one’s hidden personality, activating my Moon-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio. At the time, I was happily in what felt like a stable approximately year and a half relationship and I was optimistically feeling a wave of positive forward momentum in many areas in my life (and ultimately, I still feel the positive forward momentum as I write this). I honestly expected the Venus Rx to be smooth sailing, perhaps just a bit of shadow work here and there on what seemed like minor areas of conflict in my romantic relationship…you know, just the usual. I always love a bit of shadow work with my Scorpio Moon-Pluto conjunction. Perhaps that was a bit naive given my chart, but I make it a conscious effort to not fall into fear-based traps when looking at upcoming transits as to not create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As Venus prepares to station direct tomorrow (well actually today, because it’s after midnight as I’m writing this), it’s so clear how her retrograde has related to the houses within my natal chart. She started in my fourth house in Scorpio and is now in my third house in Libra. The really solid foundation I felt through relationships unexpectedly and suddenly collapsed as a few of my most significant relationships fell away (or temporarily at least). The person I was in a romantic relationship with happened to be my best friend, the person I felt most at ease with and able to be my authentic self with in the entire world. I felt more understood by him than anyone else in the entire world. He got me, which is not something I feel from most people. So you know, when the Taurus full moon came along with Uranus conjunct the Moon opposing Venus conjunct the Sun, he unexpectedly broke up with me. (Ummmm, what the fuck???) I can’t say my reaction was graceful, and that’s ok. That’s what Uranus does in his quest for pure spiritual truth and liberation. He wakes us up by shaking us up and breaking us up if we happen to be asleep, which I certainly was on a few things. A breakup occurring with Uranus (our desire for liberation and freedom) with the Moon (our emotional security) creating opposition with Venus (our relationships and values) and the Sun (our identity) certainly makes sense. Uranus and the Moon were very close to my Midheaven. The breakup happened right before a few very big work presentations and events, some of the most notable experiences of my career in each of my two small businesses that I run. (I’ll admit, my Leo rising may have been a bit dramatic here, but emotions were intense.) I initially found myself spiraling into self-limiting beliefs and unproductive thoughts about not having the emotional resources to get through them. I found myself angry at my former romantic partner for springing this on me in the midst of such important weeks in my career. And ultimately what happened was, I shined the light of awareness onto my unconscious self-limiting beliefs and untangled myself from their grips, which was not easy. It required burning through some really intense emotions. Even when angry, I knew it was not my exes responsibility to plan the breakup around a convenient time for me (is there ever really one?). And I fully support him in his journey, even if we are not together. I want to see him thrive and flourish in life. It's beautiful really, we started dating (this time) around the beginning of Venus’ last cycle as if Venus brought us together for one cycle to learn lessons and grow with each other. I’m always amazed by the beauty of astrology and the cycles within cycles. The attachment issues that come with the Taurus-Scorpio axis was a big lesson for me on this transit…learning how to let go with love. I got through my work events. I feel like they went remarkably positive, and I even got into my creative flow with them. That was so important for me to experience to strengthen my connection with being the creatress of my life, and I actually feel quite empowered after this whole experience. There are lots of third house themes here too with speaking, communicating, and becoming more interconnected in my local community. I could go on and on about the astrology of this all.
To my amazing friendships that have sustained throughout this Venus Rx, thank you so much. I express my deepest gratitude to you. I have some phenomenal friends in my life who I know truly accept me as my authentic self. It’s just a matter of me practicing the art of vulnerability and allowing friends in a little more. I’ve spent more time in friend’s homes over this Venus Rx than I’ve spent in years which feels like it has rebuilt some of the foundation that crumbled. I’m realizing how much I enjoy spending time with friends in their homes. For the last several years, I’ve always met friends out at restaurants, coffee shops, events, etc. I love how people’s homes feel so infused with their energy. It feels like such a sacred experience to be invited into someone’s space. I’ve also experienced an influx of new, positive and supportive relationships coming into my life.
I am deeply grateful to Venus for the deep transformation that has occurred with my values and, ultimately, my relationship to myself, my greatest asset. I feel the enthusiasm and optimism with Jupiter in Sagittarius. As Venus stations direct today she passes the baton over to Mercury who will station retrograde in Sagittarius. So to be continued…
Stay open to the mystery and magic that’s all around!